I over analyze EVERYTHING. I worry. I rarely am able to enjoy moments because I'm always preoccupied with the end results. I just realized that I suffer from anxiety and my mind often interferes with me enjoying life.
What I mean is that I think so intently about some things that I don't even get around to doing them. I let myself be consumed with each step and what goes into each step that I often don't even take the step. I feel like it's my responsibility to consider how everything may play out before I do it. I mean if someone thinks two steps ahead I think of 4 possibilities.
You'd think this would make me very accomplished but it has backfired. I fear success because I think that I won't be able to sustain it and I fear failure. I'm failing now, as I'm nowhere near where I've planned to be, because in all my plans, I neglected to execute them.
I've always thought my life would fall into place and it's just not and it seems that all the mistakes I've made are now coming around to bite me in the ass.
When ppl celebrate me, on the inside I think "if they only knew" .I compare myself to others and always fall short. I wish I was more free and light and could enjoy more and worry less. These days it seems I'm more in my head than ever before.
I am the the same way sometimes about success. I am truly afraid of how successful I can truly be and I do think sometimes it hinders my progress. But know that you are never failing as long as you inspire and empower others. I don't know you but you constantly inspire me. I may not know your story but I do know that no one's story is perfect and we ALL have our skeletons.
ReplyDeletethank you so much for the pep talk :-)
ReplyDeletewhen i read the first sentence, i was like WOW, so it's not just me?! i can relate to you on soooooooooo many-if not ALL of the challenges that you reference in this post. obviously, i don't have answers bc i'm the Exact same way, but i commend you for your realness and rawness and honesty. i don't think i would have had the courage to be this forthright, but just like the sister said-you're constantly empowering and inspiring others, and just like that-WHAM!-you've inspired me with this post. so how about we empower and inspire EACH OTHER to nit be such worriers, live for the moment a bit more, not think so much, and let our hair down a bit more (now you KNOW that was funny, considering we're both ”baldilocs”! haha!)...let's try! we in this together! :-*
ReplyDeletenot* (I abhor when I make typos:/).
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Everyone will fail at times. Just remember not to allow FEAR of the what ifs and what has been to keep you on the sideline of life.